No intro for this one because the game is starting in 2 hours, and I have to decorate my room because I’m going to be on TV. Again. But you know how it goes, welcome to the roast of KKR!
Kolkata Knight Riders Probable XI
- Shubman Gill (Too busy ‘eye spy’ing to focus on cricket)
- Sunil Narine (Captained him once in my fantasy team. Been paying for that day ever since.)
- Nitish Rana (He doesn’t even remember what year he was born in)
- Eoin Morgan (Left his native Ireland just because England had a better cricket team – talk about loyalty)
- Dinesh Karthik (c) (wk) (Wannabe MSD)
- Andre Russell (Brute power won’t work in UAE stadiums, you need skill here.)
- Varun Chakravarthy (A part-time architect, part-time cricketer being paid 4 crores. Lol.)
- Pat Cummins (15.5 crores. More than Dhoni, Rohit, KL Rahul,. In fact, only Virat Kohli is paid more than him in the IPL. The biggest Lol of them all.)
- Shivam Mavi (Ooh, another one who doesn’t remember when he was born)
- Kamlesh Nagarkoti (Only Ousmane Dembele has a worse injury record then him)
- Kuldeep Yadav (He hasn’t been banned yet? He’s a Chinaman, isn’t he J)
This is the team I had ranked at the bottom of my predicted IPL 2020 Points Table. They have proved me wrong…..in no way. I had said that their West Indian guns won’t have the same impact in UAE. That has turned out to be as true as the day is long. Andre Russell has a strike rate of run-a-ball, and Sunil Narine might actually have contributed negatively to the team’s performance.
Shubman Gill is not an opener. I’m sorry but he just can’t do that job. He played very slowly but manaed to stick out the powerplay against the weaker SRH bowling, but against the fiery MI opening attack, he couldn’t score a single run and played out 7 deliveries before putting his misery to an end,. Talking about players who can’t open, Sunil Narine is in their team too! KKR just can’t seem to understand that tactics like sending a hard-hitting bowler up the order, only work for one season at the max. Every team has figured out that if you just bowl at Narine’s body instead of giving him room on the off-side, he will struggle. I think it is time for KKR to open with Rahul Tripathi, and demote Narine back down the order.
Nitish Rana is a certified liar. Firstly, he’s lied about his age and still maintains that lie. And secondly, he said whatever he said to the KKR management which convinced them to give him 3.4 crores for his services. Eoin Morgan is one of the only 4 players who have played the World Cup for more than one country. Other talented players from associate nations had a chance to run away to England too, but they didn’t. They showed patriotism and loyalty. Something Eoin clearly doesn’t value.
Out of all the captains in the IPL, Dinesh Karthik is the least appealing one. I just don’t see what he adds to this team. For leadership, they have a world-cup winning captain with them. For lower order batting, they have Andre Russell. For adding nothing to the team, they have Sunil Narine. So really don’t know why he’s here too. Andre Russell may soon be found out as a flat track, small ground bully. On these gripping UAE pitches, and large UAE grounds, Russell won’t be the same. So much for ‘I’ll collect my MVP trophy myself next season’.
Varun Chakravarthy was paid 8.4 crores last season to feature in 1 game. He is a mystery spinner but the biggest mystery still remains his price tag. Talking about high price tags, the man whose fee for this IPL surpasses every other player except for Virat Kohli, Pat Cummins, ladies and gentlemen! Boy, the two biggest underperformers of this IPL are also the 2 most well-paid! Interesting, very interesting.
Nitish Rana felt like he didn’t have anyone to talk to about the trauma of not knowing your age, so KKR brought in Shivam Mavi to keep him company. Now they both not-know-their-age together! KKR might just trade for Prithvi Shaw and complete the trio! Talking about U-19 players, Kamlesh Nagarkoti is also in the team. In fact, he’s been in the KKR team for 3 years, but he played his first game for them only this year. Not because he was too bad to play (although that might have contributed), but because he was injured. For 2 whole years. Dembele would be proud. Kuldeep Yadav is a good player, but I’m sure he will be banned pretty soon. He is a chinaman bowler, after all. Then the KKR team will be even worse than it already is. Oh wait, that’s not possible.
Rajasthan Royals Probable XI
- Jos Buttler* (wk)
- Steve Smith* (c)
- Sanju Samson
- Robbie Uthappa
- David Miller*
- Riyan Parag
- Rahul Tewatia (Bow down to the king)
We’re all bowing.
- 8. Jofra Archer*
- 9. Shreyas Gopal
- 10. Jaydev Unadkat
- 11. Ankit Rajpoot
The only team in this IPL who hasn’t lost a single game J. If Stokes was available, this team would become even better. Oh wait, that’s not possible.
Prediction – I mean, if you have to ask I-
My Prediction Counter – 8-3 (Hogwarts rejected my application)